so boy say the time and place...i wanna misbehave.

;)

today, i am in such a good mood. THANK goodness. yesterday was horrible.
i'm not even completely sure why. i was just layin around the house listening to music, and i just really couldn't stop crying. i spose i just needed to cry...i'm not sure.

i've decided i'm holding out for Dale to move down here. mostly cause he's my best friend, and he'd make a hell of a boyfriend. even though he's really kinky. haha. but he knows how i am. and really he's probably the only person that knows the real me right about now. theres just something about him, that makes me tell him everything...and i mean everything. haha. i guess its just i can trust a stranger more than i can my best friends...i'm not sure. and i'm not sayin i don't trust my best friends, cause i do. but they just always offer the 'well maybe its not like that'..when i know for a fact that it is. and dale..he just sits there and listens..er reads. and lets me vent...then tells me something..and ya know what, he is pretty smart, whether he believes me or not. haha. i love when he calls me sweety. always makes me smile. i mean, i've known him since oct 08...which is a reallly long time. haha. that was back when kevin and i were talking. hah. whoa. i know right. and he's been there through everything. he's a great best friend, and he'd most def make a great boyfriend too. if only.....

now on to the good stuff. haha. i has a "date" thursday night...at six.
I'm scared. really, i am. and its not even of the guy...or his actions. its of my best friend and what she's gonna do to me when she finds out that well we're talking..and hanging out..which when him and i hang out..means kissing. haha.
the guy i have a 'date' with is her ex. and really, i know i should be the good best friend, and say no. but you don't get it. i fell really hard for this guy back during last summer. he's the only guy to kiss me and leave me with butterflies...for DAYS..i'm so not even kidding. it was incredible. and then even after he told me he wanted to just be friends...his touch gave me chills. SCARY. i know.
but i was mad at her for going after him, cause of what he did to me. and before you say anything, this is not pay back. i swear. but she knew i had been crazy about him, then she turns around and falls for him. idk. maybe thats why i was mad at her...hmm.
anyways, i feel bad cause she 'loved' him...but seriously, you don't cheat on someone you love..and idk how many times i've said that..but its true.
so i'm not even sure how i'm gonna tell her..i can't just be like "oh hey, by the way, i'm kinda dating your ex...who you were in love with..hope you don't mind, but we're pretty happy. i'm sorry it didn't work out between you two." uh no.
i'm scared that imma lose her friendship..when she's been there for me, for idk how many times..but here lately..and before she moved i mean, she wasn't around..at all. then got upset cause i didn't tell her what was going on...i went to josh instead of her. i'm sorry, he was just there when i broke down, and he fuckin lives in california. yeahhh. you should feel bad. just gr. i don't need to work myself up, since she is coming up this weekend..which scares me even MORE, cause i'm afraid i'll just randomly blurt it out..idkk. and she talked about getting drunk, hell i've never been drunk, so no telling what i would tell the gal. i mean, she doesn't know everything there is to know about me, ya know. we all have our secrets..and some i'd just rather not share with her, if ya know what i mean. now dale, he pretty well knows everything..haha. and i know a LOT about him. xD but anyways. idkk.
i'm not scared that she'll kill me, i'm scared that she'll shut me out, and never talk to me again. and i'm sorry, but noooo boy is worth that.
anyways, i mean, he did have a point, that she's down there and will find someone and that they wouldn't be getting back together, and i would jumped at being with him...but she's my best friend..thats the only thing that stopped me. i'm scared that she's gonna flip out just cause we're friends...ya know? idkk.
i think i need to stop thinking. haha.

anyways, one final down and three to goooo! i have tomorrow off, but then two wed and one thursday...thursday's is gonna be HARD. :( i'm not looking forward to it AT ALL..
esp since i have two the day before, so i can't really study hardcore for it..but i am gonna do my journals for english tomorrow..and then imma study for biology (hard test) yeppers.

ohhhkayyy.

happy mondayyy!

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erynn