pack our bags and hit the road.

Tickets and Passports by Holiday Parade. (myspace.com/holidayparade)
i'm a hugee support of those guys, i love them to death. and they're music speaks to me more than anything. :)

on a different note...i've been doing a lot of thinkin since last night. scary, i know.
well "matt" got a myspace. i'm not sure if it's really him, or if its just his wife pretending to be him. who really knows.
but anyway, i also got a text from my LOVE last night too. It's amazing what some make-up, Mary Kay party i went to last night, andddd a "hey sexy" text can do for a girl. take her right out of a depressive state, i'm telling you. this boy, and it scares the hell out of me. it really does, cause i know i've fallen in love with him, and i don't know what i would do if i didn't have him in my life some how. I've always said, i just want him home..i don't care if i can't talk to him, or never get to see him. but i TAKE THAT BACK, right now. he's proven to me that i do need him in my life, even if it is just as a friend. he means THAT much to me. i've seen him go through so much shit, and i wish i would have known him before he went overseas, but God didn't want it to work that way, so it didn't. And now Steven has me to depend on when times get rough over there. i think i might have upset him last night. cause he said he was layin in bed. and i was like i wish i could be there with you! and he goes me too, but it won't be much longer and i'll be home. i was like i know, i just wish it was a lott sooner. he goes me too, me too. like gah. AUGUST..hurrry up, i repeat AUGUST get here fasterrrrrr...pleasee! :(

so now on to my grrr state. i'm straight pissed about all the shit with matt and ashley. like ok, if he didn't want to be anything but friends, why the hell did he say the shit he did to me, and ok why wouldn't he tell me if they weren't getting a divorce, like why keep that from me. i don't care, i just care that you got out of that, if you don't want in it, ya know. i mean, i'm not pushing you to do it, but really. why stay in a relationship where you're not happy, i mean i know you have ellie, i can understand that, but why would you want her to have to grow up with that? really. ya know. (this isn't as mean as i orginally thought it out to be, my bff's boyfriend text me and got me in a better mood..damn him.) but i'm pissed at the fact that youuuuu were the one that wanted more of this then me. and i told my best friend from day one, that i was scared you wanted more of it, cause i had steven. and i knew i wasn't gonna be able to handle it. but luckely he was gone for that week. and ya know, friday when we hung out, and you were supposed to get that kiss. thank the stars you didn't, i would have felt sooo bad if i would have kissed you, cause steven IMed me the next day.
i can honestly say, i've never hated someone as much as i hate you. not even my ex that couldn't let me go after 5 months...he just kept me around..keep kicking me (so to speak) and knew that i needed someone, so thats all he would do was be there for me. till one day i blew up and he stopped texting me...till AFTER i met and was "involved" with steven. (2 or so months later) yeahh. i hate you moreee then him. i really do. most cause of the fact that i was told i couldn't hang out or see you, and i risked getting in deeeeep shit to do it. my brother and candi did too. so yeah. and the fact that i lost sleep and failed my test, yeah. i blame you for that too. um. i'm not sure what else i do blame you for, but i'm sure i'll think of it after i post this.

so my thinkin for today brought me to, i want to move. i want to get out of this house, and away from all this bullshit and spend the rest of my life with steven, where ever he wants to live. i don't care anymore. i lost my best friend, i don't see her anymore. either one of them. so really what's the point of stayin here? <--- this is why kevin and i are fightin. he doesn't want me to move, go figure. he was all you're just gonna up and move down there and marry someone you've never even met, i was like first off, calm the fuck down, and second noooo one said anything about getting married, least not yet anyway. this was like a while back. haha.
but really, i want to get out of this town, forget everything and just start over with him and live our life together. hence the title of the blog too, pack our bags and hit the road. i really wish i could. i need a break and i want to be with steven. and i just argh.

ok ok ok.
i'll stop, cause i'm about to make myself cry.

so happy earth dayy! :)

<33
erin


i membered my passwordddd. :P