meep meep

haha. guess what, i forgot my password again! xDD
gooo figure. mhm.

i've had a lot going on since my last update.
let's see, kevin and i are in a fight, if you will...cause of steven..(he's coming up, hang on. haha)
i met this guy online named anthony..he lives in AL..and him and i talked, till he just randomly stopped replying back to me, so i was like whateverrrr.
well Feb 2nd was the worst day...i broke down to my friend that lives in Cali about a lot of stuff that was going wrong in my life, aka my dad and my shitty friends. n/o guys. hah.
but um. he told me a lot of stuff i needed to hear, and i knew he meant it. ya know.
so anyways, that night both my bffs text me and all was set right.

and the very next day, i met the LOVE of my LIFE! :)))
i know i know. but seriously, i love this boy so much. (steven)
he's a friend of my bro's gf, and he's in iraq. well he was on webcam with her, and was like erin you have to come see him.
so i walk in there, and i'm like heyy, i can get mine and we cam with him too. so i get mine, and we cam. well i had to take candi to work, and when i came back he IMed me and we talked for a while..then he decided to go to bed...well he IMed me the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. haha. i stayed up till four in the moring IMin him one night. haha.
so we've been talking for about 3 months..he came home about 2 weeks after we "met" but i never got to see him, there was miscommunication between the people he was with and us. so yeahhh. stupid grs. so now i have to wait till august, but i am perfectly content with that! :)
this is him. :))



hmmmm. soo, i gots another story, which is really the main reason i came over here. i needed to vent out some shit about this.

so i got a tattoo about 2 weeks ago...yeahh, its super cute! i'm still waiting for it to heal though. haha. but anyway, Candi was with me, and she was talking to this guy named Matt, a friend of hers, my bro and my step-uncle. well she told him i was in pain, and he goes well tell her to think of a happy place, so i text him, cause he had said something to me the day before, so i had his number, and i was like its not workin. :( and he goes ok, how about a picture of me half naked? i was like ok. haha. and he goes wtf? i was like yeah, i was kidding, but talk to me, so i don't feel a thing. well he sent back and was like opps. i go um. did you send it? and he just goes opps. haha.
so yeah, i have a picture of him. but anyways. i believe it was sunday night (4.12) that him and i kinda started talking. like 'talking'
so anyways, candi and i had invited him and bryan (step-uncle) to go with us to see the Hannah Montana movie, well Matt said something and i was like yeahhh. cause i wanna go see it. and he geos oh ok. i was like yepp. i think i asked him if he would go, and he goes yeah, if you go. i was like why is that? and he goes kinda like a double date. i was like um...haha. yeahhh. like i didn't know what to say, so i finally was like ok, we'll just see what happens.
well turns out that we had a blast monday night, but see the thing is i'm not allowed to be hanging out with matt or bryan..so yeah. and plus, matt has a wife, soon to be ex.
so matt and i keep talking and we talk on the phone one night till 6 in the morning...yeahhhh. and all the while he's telling me he's waiting for ole girl to bring the divorce papers, like they're seperated, they don't live together and haven't for about 2 months.
so some of matt's friends tell her that candi was tryin to set me and matt up, i 'm like what the hell? so the other night she started some shit and i just took the computer from candi and layed into her about all this.
and of course she tells me that they aren't getting the divorce none of that, i'm like ok. beleive what you want, ya know. butt what day was it, candi showed me a text he sent her that said and i quote "i love ashley and i can't help that i will never forget her. but i would rather spend my life without her and that is for you to know and you only. erin is amazing and i would love to be with her after this is over. she does something to me ashley never did which is make me happy and thats what i want. its a secret. :)" so i'm sittin here like dumbfounded..ya know. haha.
but gr. Matt has "left" and is in "arkansas" (he's not really, he's just telling everyone so they won't bother him) so he has nooo idea what the hell is going on. and i'm pretty sure if he did, he'd be pissed. cause he's pretty well smitten with me. :P haha. but um. yeahhh.
so now i'm to the point where if and when matt calls me in two weeks, i'm not even sure if i'll answer it...cause i'm seriously pissed at him right now. and i'm also gonna tell him that he needs to tell ashley what the hell is going on, cause she said that she'd rather him be happy then be upset with her. i was like alright, you member that. but yeahhh.
just urgh.
i spose i should have never given him the chance..but i wasn't gonna shut him out just cause of steven, ya know. cause i know steven would have told me to try it, since theres not much he can really do. but nothing has happened between matt and i...even if he wanted that kiss. i don't think i could have brought myself to do it. ya know. like it was fun mess around with him about kissing and stuff. but i don't think i actually could have. i dunno.
and i have to watch what i say to ash, cause she doesn't even know half the shit, and she said she was gonna read the texts, i was like alright, when you do, i'll be waiting for my apology. k. thanks. haha.

i told her bff last night, ash's bff, stephi that i didn't want her man, my heart was already taken and had been for 3 months. and that matt and i just got caught up in the whole new friends thing, cause we have a lot in common, which we do. and he's really sweet, like i wouldn't mind dating someone like him, but i don't think i could do that to steven, i'm too in love with him. :)

and imma tell matt that i don't even want to talk to him till those papers are signed and the divorce is final. and if that doesn't happen then later, cause i'm not about to have all these people that i don't even know, hatin on me. ya know. its retarded and unnessary. <--i misspelled that, but idc. haha.


i spose thats it. i'm just ready for august to be, i've been thinking about steven all moring, and how i can't wait till he comes home, and we meet. and all, its just gonna be...AHHHH. haha. and then again, i'm kinda scared about some other things. i'm just gr. i hate not being able to trust someone..esp someone you want to spend the rest of your life with..ya know. and its not that i don't trust him, cause i do. i'm just saying, i don't know what's gonna happen. and i keep playin the scene in my head over and over again.

*fantasy scene*
he rolls up in his big dodge dieseil truck and i'm leaning against my truck with candi sittin in the passager seat, its about 7, right when its starting to get dark. candi hopes out of the truck and walks over to me "ready?" she asks "not at all" i reply. the truck shuts off and the door opens. i hold my breath as he hops out and his feet hit the ground. I see his face, and just smile like crazy, trying to breath and stop shaking. (its not working though) he walks up to us, and candi gives him a hug. i stand there like a retard..smiling. cause i'm so damn shy. He looks over at me. and my heart about leaps outta my chest. "so you can't say anything to me?" he asks in his cute country accent. i blush and just smile, "no, i can't." he laughs and candi says, "she wouldn't shut up the whole way here, and when we got closer, she got quiter." he laughs again. i just smack my forehead and turn away..embarrassed..thanks candi, thanks a lot! He walks over to me, and puts his arms on my lower back and just pulls me into him. (I'll probably cry, just to let you guys know) and i fall into his arms, trying to maintain my 'coolness' ha! of course he can feel me shaking, we stand in the hug for a while, just taking in each others presences. finally he lets me go and kisses my forehead. i just blush, still not able to talk. finally take a deep breath. "ok, maybe now i can talk" i say. "whoa, she speaks!" he chuckled. "oh shut up." i laugh and push his chest.
*end scene*

for the simple fact that i could keep going on and on and on. i'm a writer, its what we do. haha.
but hm. i think this is longgg enough. haha.

maybe i can keep you guys posted, i just hope i member my password now. haha.

Happy Tuesdayyy!!!

<33
erin


erin...it has to do with your kitty. ;)) haha.